14 Signs That Your Kitty Want You Dead

14. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

13. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

12. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

11. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

10. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

9. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.

8. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."

7. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

6. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole
and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.

5. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

4. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.

3. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

2. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" that reads "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

1. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.