If Men Ran The World...

- Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

- St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.

- Garbage would take itself out.

- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

- Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

- Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

- "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

- At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.